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You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration! Men are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to? According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents? In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, 'I wish you'd come to me sooner.' I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. -- He thought he was God and I didn't! I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me! I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning-medicine. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. God must love stupid people, he made so many. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Beer ~ The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon! I must be a proctologist because I work with buttheads! Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up! Procrastinate Now Rehab is for quitters My dog can lick anyone I have a degree in liberal arts - do you want fries with that? Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit. Finally 21, and legally able to do everything I've been doing since 15. West Virginia: One million people and 15 last names FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software. My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere! DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead "Time's fun when you're having flies"...Kermit the Frog POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN ... Cops have nothing to go on. FOR SALE - Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once. Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory. The Meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it. HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. The trouble with life is there's no background music. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. since 09-12-02 |